Toxic
Toxic /adj/ containing or being poisonous material or substance
Toxic.
Poisonous, deadly, messy.
It shatters, it breaks.
Trapped, ugly, harmful,
Yet, it shines within the rigid edges.
Have you ever been in a season that it seems every time you turn around, something is going wrong? You think you are fixing it, but in reality you are hurting it.
Its messy, its ugly, more harmful than helpful. Dirty and black, spiraling out of control.
These past six months have been a whirlwind. The beginning of the year I was surrounded by toxins everywhere I turned, when I finally realized was shaken out of it, to realize I had it all wrong. I thought I was getting out of it, maybe I did briefly, but that was just a weed or two. It took the trunk being pulled out of the ground in a storm to realize that the dirt surrounding me was toxic, not because of what was around me, but I let that spread inside me. I was the poison toxic mess. As weeks kept going by toxins kept creeping in. I was speaking words to people trying to grow, yet the stress and drama seemed to not go away. No matter how many times I prayed and felt that I was surrendering, it never went anywhere. I spoke words, but didn’t do. Things and mess kept coming along. I was confused. The cycle was repetitive, I didn’t like it. Yet, it took a “gardener” to pull out the trunk in preparation for the storm, or for the toxic chemicals in the plants to stop spreading. I kept going to others for advice as the Bible says, Yet, it just going out of control. I was so frustrated with myself, I knew the right thing to do but I forgot how to act. It took people leaving the situation, and allow the plant to grow by itself. Sometimes when a seed is planted it takes time and nourishment to grow. Again, I thought I was being nourished but I wasn’t letting the nutrients sink in and spread. Instead, it was the toxic chemicals that spread. But, when the “gardner” pulled it out it represented healing. The plant began to grow and spread, as the flower began to bloom. It started to wilt, with some wear and tear, yet a little water and nourishment never stops the blossom to grow.
It came because I thought I had given control to the Lord, but it was only partial. Yet, in some ways I still wanted to be control. I became someone I didn’t care for very much, too consumed and a mess, not someone who was serving others but just myself.
Sometimes, it takes people or things to completely blow up in your face. People step back and stop watching out for you. I realized that I had become the toxin, making up things that weren’t really there. Our response was fooled by the enemy.
My friends, brothers and sisters, we all go through seasons of ups and downs and being someone we aren't. Yet, the beauty of HIS grace and mercy covers us all. The community who surrounds us as individuals matters. Love all, be aware of what and who you are being, because it affects everyone around you. You are showing Jesus to others.
A quote that I have been meditating on recently from reading While we Wait:
"Our desire to end the wait is so overwhelming that we manipulate circumstances and design methods to make things turn out the way we want. Or worse, we try to make things happen the way we presume that God wants to turn out." - While we wait.
Trust the Sunrise.
-MKG
Toxic.
Poisonous, deadly, messy.
It shatters, it breaks.
Trapped, ugly, harmful,
Yet, it shines within the rigid edges.
Have you ever been in a season that it seems every time you turn around, something is going wrong? You think you are fixing it, but in reality you are hurting it.
Its messy, its ugly, more harmful than helpful. Dirty and black, spiraling out of control.
These past six months have been a whirlwind. The beginning of the year I was surrounded by toxins everywhere I turned, when I finally realized was shaken out of it, to realize I had it all wrong. I thought I was getting out of it, maybe I did briefly, but that was just a weed or two. It took the trunk being pulled out of the ground in a storm to realize that the dirt surrounding me was toxic, not because of what was around me, but I let that spread inside me. I was the poison toxic mess. As weeks kept going by toxins kept creeping in. I was speaking words to people trying to grow, yet the stress and drama seemed to not go away. No matter how many times I prayed and felt that I was surrendering, it never went anywhere. I spoke words, but didn’t do. Things and mess kept coming along. I was confused. The cycle was repetitive, I didn’t like it. Yet, it took a “gardener” to pull out the trunk in preparation for the storm, or for the toxic chemicals in the plants to stop spreading. I kept going to others for advice as the Bible says, Yet, it just going out of control. I was so frustrated with myself, I knew the right thing to do but I forgot how to act. It took people leaving the situation, and allow the plant to grow by itself. Sometimes when a seed is planted it takes time and nourishment to grow. Again, I thought I was being nourished but I wasn’t letting the nutrients sink in and spread. Instead, it was the toxic chemicals that spread. But, when the “gardner” pulled it out it represented healing. The plant began to grow and spread, as the flower began to bloom. It started to wilt, with some wear and tear, yet a little water and nourishment never stops the blossom to grow.
It came because I thought I had given control to the Lord, but it was only partial. Yet, in some ways I still wanted to be control. I became someone I didn’t care for very much, too consumed and a mess, not someone who was serving others but just myself.
Sometimes, it takes people or things to completely blow up in your face. People step back and stop watching out for you. I realized that I had become the toxin, making up things that weren’t really there. Our response was fooled by the enemy.
My friends, brothers and sisters, we all go through seasons of ups and downs and being someone we aren't. Yet, the beauty of HIS grace and mercy covers us all. The community who surrounds us as individuals matters. Love all, be aware of what and who you are being, because it affects everyone around you. You are showing Jesus to others.
A quote that I have been meditating on recently from reading While we Wait:
"Our desire to end the wait is so overwhelming that we manipulate circumstances and design methods to make things turn out the way we want. Or worse, we try to make things happen the way we presume that God wants to turn out." - While we wait.
Trust the Sunrise.
-MKG
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