The Crash

This blog is a place where I can just share my relationship with Christ with others and let others see that its okay not to be perfect because no one is, and to let me be free to show the struggles and trials I am facing and to show others you are not the only one who as struggles. But, this blog is where I can type and speak how I feel and not be afraid to share it to others. I am speaking what is on my heart and what I am called to share, remember it's not me who is really speaking it is God, and I am suppose to share his words through me.

This blog is not about who I am it is about our creator, God and who he is. I may be sharing how I feel but the bottom line is HE is our creator. I am just going to say how I feel it may not completely be able to read this because I am just going to pour out with what is on my heart and I feel. However, I want you to be 100% COMPLETLY honest with me and just tell me how you feel about my thoughts, its okay if you disagree with me go on and tell me how you feel deep down. That is what this is about to share with each other how we feel and we are living for the LORD who loves us no matter how many times we may fail. Be yourself and don't be who others want you to be. So say what is on YOUR mind and not that you just agree with someone elses comment just because. BE YOURSELF!!!


Now that you know how I feel about what this is I want to share with you who I am and know that I am a follower of Jesus Christ.

I was born into a Christan family and grew up in a Christian home. It was just my parents and I but I also had my half sister Ashley who is 14 years older. My parents were followers of Jesus, as well. I was dedicated to the church on October 24, 1994. When I was around 17 months old, when children were suppose to start talking but I hadn't started talking one cold winter night I was in my crib and swaddeled into my blanket and some how I got extremely tangelled into my blanket and somehow I was able to scream "DADDY!!!" as clear I could possible sounding like a teenage girl and screaming at the top of my lungs, and if that not had happened I would not be alive. My parents were startelled because I hadn't been able to talk and still didn't talk for a few more months after that. I feel that an angel came and spoke for me and just saved me. Being that young you don't expect having a Crash moment but this was a CRASH moment for me.

We went to a Salem Lutheran Church for several years of my young childhood until the age of 6 where I had a relationahip with an elderly lady name Mrs. Schultz who was my Sunday School teacher and family friend even though I was super young and she helped me learn about God as a young person. Then when I started getting older we decided that Salem wasn't the right place for our family because I was growing up and needed a good Children's Ministry.

Growing up my family had struggles because my sister's dad, my mom's ex-husband tried to hurt and tear our family apart. I remember one day in pre-k or kindergarten, I think kindergarten my mom taught half day at Mittelstadt in the morning while I went to Schultz in the morning and she picked me up like anyother day but she needed to go to do something at her school really fast without going to the house and we live less than 5 blocks from the school that was out of the ordinary but I didn't know any better so we went to school for about 20 minutes and then headed home. When we arrived there was a policeman saying there and she told my mom that she was being accused for all this stuff. That was when my parents almost separated because my parents especially my dad having to deal with my sisters dad.

So at the age of eight we left Salem and we visted many different churches for several months, but since my mom was from a Baptist and my dad was from a Methodist family and we were really traditional and this was the point in time that churches started to go away from the traditional organ and chapel. We visted a church called Faithbridge UMC my in a intermediate school called Kleb, but the music was loud and had drums, at that time my parents were not ready for that because of their traditions and since they were older so than most parents of kids my age they wanting the tradional ways. So we visted Crossroads Baptist Church where they had a stornger Children's Ministry than Salem at the time. At that time we felt called to stay there and my amazing parents got me involved into church where I joined AWANA Club and went to sunday school, and joined their Children's Music Choir and my parents also got involved into church. When I went to AWANA's and kept learning about who God was and what he did for us I felt like I needed to commit myself to Christ. That's when I first excepted him in my life.

I was called to be baptised, and really except the LORD as my savior. On July 25, 2005 the day after my 10th birthday my Aunt who is a pastor in Macon, Georgia baptised me at the age of 10. So, I was pretty young and thought I understood who Jesus really was. I served him for who he was but then just started going through the motions.

One day my dad left for school around 4:50 in the morning and started heading to school just like he did everyday but when he was driving this specific day he saw a sign at North Oaks Baptist Church that said "Host a Russian Orphan for Three Weeks" So my dad went to school and I will never forget when my mom and I walked into her classroom at our school, I went to the same school where she taught, and still teaches; as soon as we went into the classroom the phone rang which my mom answered it and my dad told my mom what he saw and they thought that we should host. My parents had always thought of adopting sometime when I was alot older but they felt called to host after we all three prayed about it for several days after talking to the director. So the summer before my fifth grade year we hosted a eight year old girl who had many things similar to my mom came to stay with us for three weeks, she came about a week before school started for the year. My parents told the director we are ONLY hosting that is IT we are NOT adopting. Having her for three weeks speaking Russian and we only took a few basic Russian Classes to prepare us what to expect with the orphans and how to say some of the commands we needed to know. That was one of the most hardest things I possibly had to do because I didn't know why I had to spend time with 30 Russian children that didn't know anything and didn't know how to live they didn't even know how to wipe themselves after going to the bathroom. It was so different, I will never forget the first full day the kids were here my wonderful mom, who loves to entertain and cook signed up to host the Orphanage director and translator before anyone else so she made this humongus 10 course meal for these people who had never come to America and we were in the middle of supper and my parents and the directors just started talking about the girl who was staying with us and all these emotions just hit me. So I ran into my parents room and laid on the bed balling into tears because I couldn't handle that all the attention was on the girl and not me and I just felt like I wasn't left or nobody cared about me I just asking Go "WHY God WHY Why do I have to go through this Why Why? Why?? I mean I broke down in front of the orphange director who was judging us and see if we were an okay family. Man, that was so difficult to comprehend. CRASH.

This blog thing is saying that this post is long and I am still not done posting the changes and the rest and the changes about this weekend so I am going to publish this post and then going to explain some of the events in summary then go into a separate post to explain each one individually. This is not my last post for tonight I am not going to go to sleep until I tell you the change God has given me this weekend.